Spring Cleaning Book Tag

It´s the Spring Cleaning Book Tag, y´all!

For some reason, I totally missed out on my real Spring cleaning ( * snorts * not that I´ve ever cared about Spring cleaning before ) But I will keep the virtual tradition up and alive. I´ll even ignore the fact that it´s Summer. 🙂

I was tagged by the awesome @ The WebWeavers I advise you all to head on over there and leave some love because that blog is just brilliant!


RULES

  • Please link back to Daniel @ Page to Page
  • Respond to the scenarios
  • Tag 5 people (or however many you like)

 


Let´s do this!

 

The Tag

 

  • It’s time to make your bed, but you’re going to have some friends over later and want to pick the perfect book to place on your nightstand for them all to see that you’re “reading”. Which book do you choose?

I´d pick my personal romance Bible- Thoughtless by S. C. Stephens. There hasn´t been a book that´s reached the level of intensity this story has. And it´s really on my nightstand. And it won´t leave my nightstand. 

 

 

  • Oh no! The house needs dusting, but you just can’t put that book you’re reading down! What book would you buy on audio just so you could continue the story while cleaning?

None. I really, REALLY don´t like audio books.

 

 

  • Darn it! The ceiling is leaking! Turns out Mass-Market Paperbacks are the best things to soak water up! Which popular book do you use to soak up the water?

I´m not sure about which popular book I´d pick but I´d definitely use my mom´s Little House On The Prairie paperbacks to stop that leak. She tried to force me to read those books. She also tried to shove ABBA down my throat. I couldn´t escape ABBA but I escaped Laura Ingalls.

 

 

  • Bathrooms need a good scrubbing, and your 2007 Cosmos are a little outdated and need replacing. What book do you place in the bathroom for some light reading for when people need to take care of business?

`Gut: The Inside Story of Our Body´s Most Underrated Organ` by Giulia Enders. It´s a light read about how everything is connected to our digestive system. I´ve read it. I bet many would find it enlightening while sitting on the loo.

 

 

  • Family is coming over, but you have no idea what to make for dinner! You read somewhere that tearing up the last chapter of a book whose ending you hated and sprinkling it in a casserole dish makes for the perfect meal! Which book do you choose?

Gone With The Wind. That ending never sat well with me.

 

 

  • Organization is key, right? When it comes time to organize your bookshelf, you realize you have enough room (and money) to get three new books! Which books do you buy?

This one is unfair. My amazon shopping list has at least 35 books I NEED.

 

  • Finally, some peace and quiet! But, before you can relax, you realize you forgot to send your Aunt a thank you gift for the lovely “ADULT LIFE FOR DUMMIES” book she gave you for Christmas (maybe she’s trying to tell you something?). What book do you send to her to show her how much (this is sarcasm) you appreciate her gift?

My Thank You gift for my aunt would be `Learn How To Orgasm` by Betty Dodson. Because, I too, want to tell her something. * wink wink *

 

That´s it for this Spring Cleaning session! Now to the tags…

I´m tagging….

 

Of All The Books In All The Libraries

Books, Vertigo & Tea

Woodie´s Book Addiction

Have fun, ladies! ❤

 

Book Review: The Internet Is A Playground – David Thorne

Synopsis

The complete collection of articles and emails from 27bslash6 such as Overdue Account, Party in Apartment 3 and Strata Agreement plus articles too litigious to be on the website.

 

My Thoughts

There are only 4 things in life that have the ability to make me cry from laughing so hard ( 4 things I can think of ).

  • The movie – Men In Tights ( Mel Brooks is just ❤ )

  • My 38-year-old husband trying to impress 12-year-old boys with his non existent skateboarding skills.

  • The Breathalyzer Fail video ( this particular one )

 

  • David Thorne´s emails.

 

 

Now, I´m all for laughing and having a great time. You could actually be my best friend for life if you have a sense of humor ( or if your humor matches mine ). I also love brilliant minds. People who can think quick and give answers that´ll literally knock the wind from your sails. There´s nothing like a good comeback that sits / stings / burns others.

Have you heard of David Thorne?

If you haven´t then I highly recommend you read some of his emails  here or buy his book, `The Internet Is A Playground`.  the internet is a playground

I swear on all that pink and fluffy… this guy is a genius. A genius jerk who has the ability to make me laugh uncontrollably.

`The Internet Is A Playground` is only one of many books that have a collection of his wild and bizzare email exchanges with victims  people.

Whether it´s an email exchange with his neighbor, Justin, or an email exchange with Shannon about her missing cat, Missy…. All emails had me in a laughing fit.

 

It´s obvious that David Thorne ( the true victim ) feels harassed and harasses the people who contact him. It´s extremely painful to read some of the poor soul´s replies as they struggle to keep up with David Thorne´s responses or give decent replies at all. But hey…. everyone get´s what they deserve… Either Karma kicks in or David Thorne shoots back.

I´d rather have David Thorne send me an email than have to deal with Karma.

My favorite email exchange would be from David and Justin, the neighbor with the blinding floodlight.

David Thorne
Snippet taken from David Thorne´s Site

 

With his bedside lamp off, the shades drawn and the covers over his head… he read a book with sunglasses on! DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN? 

And then there´s this. This is what made me fall off my chair from laughing so damn hard.

David Thorne 1
Snippet taken from David Thorne´s Site

I can´t even.

I´ve seen some people rant against David Thorne and feeling offended by the things he has published or feel pity for the “victims” when it´s clear that most of them are just idiots asking for it.

Of course, David Thorne crosses a few lines and pokes at the bee’s nest. He´s provocative. But it´s all in the name of humor. It´s about having fun when there´s no reason to have fun. Lightening the mood.

I love it and can only recommend his work.

Would I recommend this book? I would. Over and over and over again.

Would I re- read this book? ( see answer above )

The Cover – ( I don´t really care for rating this cover because it´s not significant.)

The Story – ( What story? The book is filled with email exchanges.)

The Characters – ( Each victim deserves a medal for surviving  David Thorne. And David Thorne deserves a medal for trying…  )

My emotional state after finishing this book – I´m in heaven.

5 stars

 

Purchase Links  

Amazon.com    Amazon.co.uk    Amazon.de

Fictional Romance Hero vs. Husband: Experiment

Low and behold – I present to you modern-day book Heroes!

That just sounded like I was introducing some exotic creature, right? Well, I am. Sort of.

I´m talking about the manly figures in romance novels. Male protagonists. The men women swoon over while reading a romance novel. Or as I like to call them now-a-days… Passionate nut-jobs. 

You think I´m exaggerating? I assure you, I´m not.
I know I know, people reading those popular genres love their passionate nut-jobs. You know what I´m talking about. Those characters who are so bat-shit crazy, no real-life person would ever go near them, not even for money ( at least I wouldn´t ).

Romance is a popular genre and if a romance novel has the whole package then it´s like winning the damn lottery. The only problem is- These heroes are more dramatic and painted out to be the best of the best in the worst way possible.

The fictional characters some authors create are often beyond words. It´s a good thing they´re not real.

I´ve enjoyed a few of those characters a few years ago, before those characters turned into psychopaths.

Yeah, I used to get all excited by the caveman behavior. I was a member of the „ Lusting after X“ society. Swoon here…swoon there. *sigh * It was fun until every new hero became more crazier. After that….I quit the swooning. It wasn´t worth it. Maybe because I didn´t find stalking romantic, or MAYBE I think way to realistic.

These days, a lot of authors like to create characters who have power, who like full control in all areas, and who love to wash their heroines hair…like- all the time! YIKES! Now, some might find that to be the Jackpot…..I find it not necessary because both my arms aren´t broken. I´d also poison any  hero who´d treat me like their possession. 

X: ” You´re MINE! SAY IT! * him, thumping chest with fists*

Me: * eyes wide * ” I´m yours? ” * listening to crickets chirp *

X: ” I´m not convinced! Say you´re mine FOREVER!”

Me: ” Sure, I´m yours. Til the day you die.”  * waiting for X to go to bed so I can hit him on the head with a frying pan *

I´ve noticed there are 3 major Hero-types in the romance/erotica/New Adult novel world.

The Baby Billionaire ( the untouchable CEO´s )

The College Lunatic ( the passionate nut-jobs, game players)

The Bad Boy ( the social outcasts, the rebels )

And what do these 3 character-types have in common? They´re all obsessive, all passionate, and all ready for the funny farm. They ALL love to wash women´s hair. They ALL love to see their women eat, and they LOVE to be the judge of everything, including having the last word when it comes to clothes, friends, and having fun. In short- They´re all unbelievably wacko when they find their significant others. Those 3 Hero-types will do anything and go to great lengths to keep their woman.

Now, in reality, it´s kind of mandatory to have a relationship where both would do alot for each other. I want to see my husband happy and my husband wants to see me happy. But fictional characters these days? That´s a whole new level of relationship there.

Some authors will let their heroes rip plane tickets into a million pieces, let a hero hide the pill, and let a hero beat the crap out of any other male who even sneezes near their partners. If you ask me- that´s plain absurd. As if letting those characters go ape-shit is a romantic thing. The crazier, the better, right? RIGHT? In my world, it´s not reeeaaally right. Jealousy- Fine. I´m good with a suitable amount of jealousy. 

Again…I´m only talking about the millions of books that have been doing their rounds in the book world. ( Note: Not all romances, just many)

Have any of you wondered what life would be like if our „real life husbands / boyfriends / Fiancès would act like those characters? Would you like it if your better half washes your hair? Would you enjoy the things that happen in those books? I bet some readers would love to have the same sex life as the characters they read about have..:-) Which is fine, really. But, It might not be the sex that´s so awesome- maybe it´s just the way the author writes about it that fascinates a reader. Ever thought about that? Or the fact that book people have more sex than a reader does.

ANYWAYS….

After months and months of playing out the „ what if´s“ after finishing a romance novel, I wanted to find out for myself if a book character´s life was all that fancy. I did a little experiment with my poor husband. It´s not like I have better things to do, right?

So…here´s what I did.

Mind you- My husband is the most silent and easy going person I know. He hardly get´s overly emotional but he does get confused when you ask him questions. Odd, out of the blue, questions throw him off. He´ll tell you what he wants for dinner within 0.3 seconds but don´t ask him what you should wear before going out together. The answer might never pass his lips.

Test #1 ( Washing Heroine´s Hair )

Me: „ Honey, can you wash my hair?“

Hubby: „ What´s wrong?“

The look on his face- Priceless. 

Me: „ Nothing. I just thought you´d like to wash my hair. I heard that men do that alot.“

Hubby: Confused, “You sure?”

Me: „ Totally. Men do it to worship their better half.“

Hubby: „ I worship you everyday without wanting to wash your hair.“

He´s right. And he also knows I would never ask him to wash my hair but he did it anyways. Because he loves me. Poor guy. He made an effort, I have to give him that much. That same night I got my special pamper treatment I asked for.  I sat in the tub and let him wash my hair. Would you like to know how it felt? My own husband acted like my head was made out of fragile glass. He was too careful. Lol. But when I told him he needed to wash my hair, not massage it he took my words to heart and scrubbed the life out of my scalp. To this day I´m convinced he reduced the thickness of my hair to half of what it was.

And let me tell you- My face and eyes have never been as clean before, either. I nearly drowned because he didn´t know what to do with the showerhead ( so he accidentally held it against my face. Sure thing. I understand. Guys + showerheads = incompatible.) 

He told me that he loved me and that he never wanted to wash my hair again. Not until I get them well-trimmed. I agreed. In fact- I told him that I loved him but never wanted him near my hair, ever again. There was nothing remotely sexy or sensual about the act itself. I didn´t feel closer to my husband. I didn´t enjoy the feeling of his uncoordinated movements on my head ( my ears don´t have hair in them yet. Doubt they ever will have any for the next 30 years too) I feared for my life. I gasped for air. I´m traumatized. 

 

Test #2 ( Buying clothes for the Heroine )

Me: „ Honey, have you ever thought about picking out clothes for me to wear?“

Hubby: „ Come again?“

Me: „ Don´t you want to be the one who decides what I should wear?“

Hubby: „ Me?!“

Me: „ Just asking. Maybe you can go out and buy me a new dress?“

Hubby: No. Go buy your own dress.“

Me: „ Then maybe you could offer me your credit card. Show me you want to take care of me.“

Hubby: You might never come back if I give you my credit card.“

It took alot of will power not to burst out laughing at the sight of my poor husbands face. He looked so lost. Confused.The end-result of the “buy me a dress” test? I failed. For the rest of that day he just looked at me like I had lost my marbles. I can´t say I didn´t try, though.

Test #3 ( Chose a Meal for Heroine )

( we decided to go to McDonald’s while the girls were at Grandma´s )

Hubby: „ Should I order first or do you already know what you want to eat?“

Me: „ Uuhm, just order what you think is okay for me.“

Hubby: Confused, „ What?“

Me: „ I said, you order for me. But don´t tell me what you´re ordering. Order it in french and just bring it to me.“ 

He then bent towards my ear and whispered softly, afraid someone would hear him.

Hubby: „ We´re at McDonald’s. And I´m seconds away from calling your mom.“

Me: Evil eyed, „ Fine. Nuggets and fries.“

Douche-bag threatened to call my mom just because I was doing a study on Fictional Hero vs. Real Husband. Pfft.

It took a while for my husband to speak to me again but he did. When we finished eating and were back in the car, on our way home. But he only said “We need to talk.”. On the inside, I was cracking up but kept a straight face until we got home and had our little chitchat. 

The end of that story was- Hubby thought I was having an affair ( how he came to that conclusion is a mystery to me). I assured him that wasn´t the case. Then he thought I was taking medication, having a meltdown, a mid-life crisis, etc etc. I told him what I was doing. That I wanted to find out what life as a fictional character was like.

He told me I needed professional help.

The end result of my little experiment-  Life actually sucks as a fictional character ( well, it didn´t work for me). But I did have fun. I guess that´s what matters most, right?

Any author can write about whatever they want. They should just be careful about how crazed the make their heroes.

So, why is it hundreds of readers wish they had character X as their partner? What good would ever come out of it?  What´s the appeal? 

Let´s collect signatures and go against the madness. Surely, authors are capable of writing a love story without making their characters full-blown lunatics. 

Review- Weird Things Customers Say In Bookshops by Jen Campbell

Book Description

This Sunday Times bestseller is a miscellany of hilarious and peculiar bookshop moments: ‘Can books conduct electricity?’
‘My children are just climbing your bookshelves: that’s ok… isn’t it?’

A John Cleese Twitter question [‘What is your pet peeve?’], first sparked the ‘Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops’ blog, which grew over three years into one bookseller’s collection of ridiculous conversations on the shop floor.

From ‘Did Beatrix Potter ever write a book about dinosaurs?’ to the hunt for a paperback which could forecast the next year’s weather; and from ‘I’ve forgotten my glasses, please read me the first chapter’ to ‘Excuse me… is this book edible?: here is a book for heroic booksellers and booklovers everywhere.

This full-length collection illustrated by the Brothers McLeod also includes top ‘Weird Things’ from bookshops around the world.

My Thoughts

As a passionate reader I always love to spend time in a bookstore / shop and just sit there weird thingsfor hours. But that only happens like- twice a year because of how busy life always is. I just can´t make enough time. So the reality of my bookshop love looks more like this:

Rush inside a bookshop. Quickly scan the the room for something to read. Spend 2 minutes to take in the smell. Walk to the register and pay. Rush back out. Kinda like a slow version of the Flash. And that´s such a bummer because I would love to have a small chat with the employees about new releases or have them help me search for my next read at a normal pace.

A few days ago, I was looking for a birthday gift for my bestie ( who happens to love books as much as I do ) and stumbled upon something I knew she didn´t have yet. Something that would complete her already massive book collection. BUT, I had to read it first before I pass it down.

´Weird Things Customers Say In Bookshops` by Jen Campbell, is a piece of art. I have never laughed this much while reading a book. `Weird Things Customers Say In Bookshops` is basically a collection of remarks made by customers in bookshops and it´s, by far, the most entertaining read I´ve read in a long time.

The catchline on the cover couldn´t be more accurate.

“So funny. So sad… Read it and sigh.”  – Neil Gaiman

Every question asked by a customer in this book is either outragously funny or incredibally idiotic. The responses from the booksellers are often genius. You can actually feel how annoyed / stunned / shocked they were during their conversations.

There once was a time I worked with customers, so I know how hard it can be when a person has to deal with odd questions or is confronted with…. less brighter folks. Looks like bookshops aren´t immune to the 40-watt club members, either.

 

CUSTOMER: Who wrote the Bible? I can´t remember.

CUSTOMER`S FRIEND: Jesus.

And that´s just one example of many that will make you either fall off your seat from laughing or will make you shake your head in disbelief.

This is another one of my favorites:

CUSTOMER: Does this book come in other versions?

BOOKSELLER: I can check on the computer for you.

CUSTOMER: It´s just that I don´t like the way that this one pans out.

Wouldn´t it be brilliant if every book came with an alternative ending? How cool would it be if there were 2 versions of every book? *rolling on the floor, cracking up* Poor, poor authors. Lol. And poor booksellers!

An absolute brilliant page turner and eye opener.

I´m giving `Weird Things Customers Say In Bookshops` by Jen Campbell, 5 out of 5 stars.

This book can be purchased on Amazon.com

TBR Book Lists

You know what a TBR list is. And if not… be prepared to be enlightened.

TBR, in a nutshell, means To Be Read. TBR is often used when discussing books, bookshelves and / or lists.

When people talk about their TBR lists they´re basically talking about an imaginary and /or a physical list that´s 5 miles long with books that they´d either like to buy, or have already purchased but haven´t found the time to read those books.

Personally, I  have a few lists. Some on my phone, some on sticky notes ( which I always manage to lose ), a couple scattered in notebooks and of course, my Amazon wish list. Unlike others… I haven´t bought a book that´s been added to my TBR list. Why? Mainly because I know myself like no other. I´d buy the book and never read it. Because, that´s what usually happens with books that land in a TBR list.

Not that I wouldn´t want to read the books that go on one of my many lists. I just forget about them completely.

When you recommend a book to someone and they say, “I´ll add it to my TBR list.”, you can bet everything you own( house, car, cat, horse) on the fact that that someone already has a 5 mile long list full of untouched books. And the book you recommended will most likely disappear in the sea of book titles for only God knows how long.

Now- an outsider, a person who isn´t madly in love with reading would come up with a simple solution and recommend working off a TBR list before adding more to it. Technically- a brilliant idea. Practically- an impossible mission to accomplish.

In order to sit down and actually read every book on a TBR list a reader would need an enormous amount of discipline. That´s hardly possible when hundreds  thousands of books are out there, waiting to be read! There´s a lot of truth behind the words:

so many books so little time

“So many books, so little time.” If we were realistic for a moment- we´re not going to live forever. It won´t ever be possible to work off a TBR list because readers always add more books to it.  It´s a neverending cycle. It´s evil. It´s unforgiving. Even if we don´t live long enough to read all the books we want to read- our TBR lists will keep on living. ( see how evil a TBR list is?? )

I gave up on my TBR list (s) a long time ago. I saw no point in working them off because of one reason: My brain is like a siev. I can´t help it. I don´t want to want to work the list off because it´s exhausting.

Nowadays, if I see a book that interests me, I´ll buy the paperback and avoid adding to any list in the first place. I still have my lists, though. Somewhere…..  And out of pure habit I´still say “Cool, I´ll add it to my blasted TBR list.” See? Evil.

The best possible solution is to avoid making a list in the first place. I know that. Other readers know that. But can we help ourselves? Can we prevent our greedy selves from adding a book to our neverending lists? Of course, NOT. It´s a disease. We can´t be helped.

The struggle is real. Amazon is not a book lover´s friend. 1-clicking is the devil.

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