REVIEW- A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas

Book Description

Feyre survived Amarantha’s clutches to return to the Spring Court—but at a steep cost. Though she now has the powers of the High Fae, her heart remains human, and it can’t forget the terrible deeds she performed to save Tamlin’s people.

Nor has Feyre forgotten her bargain with Rhysand, High Lord of the feared Night Court. As Feyre navigates its dark web of politics, passion, and dazzling power, a greater evil looms—and she might be key to stopping it. But only if she can harness her harrowing gifts, heal her fractured soul, and decide how she wishes to shape her future—and the future of a world cleaved in two.

With more than a million copies sold of her beloved Throne of Glass series, Sarah J. Maas’s masterful storytelling brings this second book in her seductive and action-packed series to new heights.

My Thoughts

After reading the publicly acclaimed „ EPIC“ novel `A Court of Thorns and Roses` I decided to go against my gut feeling and continue with book #2, `A Court of Mist and Fury` by the ( also ) publicly acclaimed genius Sarah J. Maas.

ACOMAF

Only this time, instead of making notes while reading the story ( as I would usually do )… I decided to take on a different approach and just read the damn story first. So, basically, I´ve had more than enough time to think about the story and sort out my thoughts.

A quick reminder: Review contains mild to major spoilers. If you hate spoilers then I advise you to come back after you read the book / series yourself.

* pushing glasses up my nose *

It all starts off with the tagline on the book cover.

“For love, she cheated death. For her world, she will become a weapon.”

Not bad, right? It would have been more awesome if she were a weapon at all.

Feyre ( Heroine ) turned into a Faerie, gaining all the powers from each Lord from the different Courts of Prythian. She was the ultimate weapon of destruction after her change. Or, she could have been.

Think of her as Captain Planet without green hair. But did she do anything to show off her powers? No. I mean- If I had so many magical abilities then you can get your ass I´d be outside testing them out and putting them to good use.

Feyre? Not so much. Actually, she did nothing of the sorts. The little powers that slipped from her here and again weren´t enough to display her as the ultimate Faerie.

That was a major disappointment. I expected flying ice daggers, fire pools, mind control, manipulating enemies, etc etc.

Another thing that bothered me beyond means was the fact that Tamlin ( the Hero from book #1) was turned into a villain.

Just because my husband doesn´t agree with me doesn´t make him the bad guy.

The Tamlin topic sends a warped message to it´s readers.

When the going get´s tough, leave. Tamlin and Feyre´s relationship after what had happened Under the Mountain was strained. Feyre felt empty and out of place and somehow she became depressed.

Apparently- Tamlin had some issues, himself, he had to deal with but wasn´t the type to openly work on those issues ( issues that aren´t really clarified). The minute he tries to keep Feyre safe is when she flips her top and leaves him….behind his back.

She´s escapes the evil Tamlin * snorts * and runs into the waiting arms of the Lord of the Night Court. Tamlin´s enemy / the most feared Lord of the country.

Call me old fashioned…but, Feyre could have given Tamlin time to sort his issues out. Maybe could´ve, should´ve considered helping him? But what do I know. * wave off * I´d probably be banished by the 2.0 Feminists for even thinking about staying with someone before leaving when times get rough. I´m all for leaving someone when there´s no reason to stay anymore….but a hit and run action? Leave when he´s gone without telling him? He didn´t do anything to make her leave. It was all on her. At least go with style. Call the relationship off.

Remember: Feyre went Under the Mountain to save the LOVE of her life. Quite a few chapters from book #1 were dedicated to the LOVE she had felt. She was determined to set him free and lift the curse and free all the other Faeries. Then the love was gone and it was Tamlin´s fault? Hahaha. Nice try, Miss Author.

After Feyre left the Spring Court she settled in nicely at the Night Court and learned to read and write ( something she could have also done at the Spring Court,,,just saying) and she faced her own issues with the help of Rhysand ( a.k.a Rhys, the new almighty Hero). He gave her the love, patience and crayons she needed in order to become the Faerie she needed to be.

To say I was disappointed would be an understatement.

Up until that point I was annoyed by the faults in the story.

And this made my blood boil.

bron
Meet Bron of Prythian. Distant cousin of Bronn, the sellsword of Westeros

All y´all Game of Thrones readers will know who Bronn is. Bronn´s da man. Seeing a Bron is reason enough to believe that the author´s thinking cap became too heavy and slipped, making her snatch another name from another successful story.

Back to the Faeries:

Feyre learned that the feared Night Court didn´t hold up to it´s reputation. Neither did it´s Lord, Rhysand. The bad ass, fearful Faerie was a soft kitty that purred quite alot. ( I´m not kidding )

And here´s a little something that might tickle you guys: His orgasms shake mountains. Literally. I asked my husband if his orgasms were powerful enough to knock over the trees from the nearby forest ( since we don´t live in a mountain area). His answer was a confused look.

Mid-evil sexting via paper and pen and a hint of magic was quite an amusing part of this story, though. I did get a kick out of that.

All jokes aside….

This book was long and stuffed with far too many descriptions. Too many details that killed the story for me. Too many events happening for no greater purpose.

There was no need to paint a character as a villain when his actions didn´t even make him one. There was no need for the author to constantly compare the Heros from book #1 and book #2.

„ Tamlin kept me locked up. Rhys gives me freedom.“

( note: that wasn´t the actual dialogue but it comes pretty close)

There was absolutely no need to give each sub-character a full background story.

The 624 pages could have easily been reduced down to 270 if the author would have ditched the many details ( details that didn´t enhance the story in any way ).

What I did like, though, was the end. I was surprised, myself, because after reading tons of unnecessary info, the end picked up and the author delivered quite an awesome scene. But not mind blowing enough for me to rave about it, though.

So, there were two things that this book focused on:

  • Rhys and Feyre´s relationship
  • War preparation

As I´ve said in my A Court of Thorns and Roses review, I can see why young adults would love this story. It´s your typical fantasy with dramatic moments that touch young ( and maybe older ) hearts.

I can see why others would go nuts over the characters because they´re full of….everything and nothing.

But was this book better than the first one? In a way- Yes. In other ways- It wasn´t.

I bet you´re asking yourselves why I’ve bothered to continue this story if I´m not liking it.

Well, the little hand written recommendation from the bookstore that was taped on the shelf underneath these books said that book 3 was amazing and a MUST READ. I´m waiting for a miracle to happen.

The Cover – 2 stars (The same as the first just a different color. I get that it´s better when books in a trilogy match but that blue….. Nope. Dull.)

The Story – 2 stars ( I have to admit that the author used her imagination a bit more for this story, but the added bits and detail- overload were so pointless. I say fire the editor.)

The Characters – 1,5 stars ( No growth, just a different Court with a different Lord. One I didn´t appreciate. Super powerful Feyre´s actions were disappointing. All the sub-characters had ( thanks to the heavy descriptions and details ) just as much of a say as the MC´s. The idea the author had of shoving the new Hero down my throat backfired. )

My Emotional State After Finishing This Read– Annoyed.

I´m giving `A Court of Mist and Fury` ( A Court of Thorns and Roses #2 ) by Sarah J. Maas 2 out of 5 stars.

Review- A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

Book Description

Feyre’s survival rests upon her ability to hunt and kill – the forest where she lives is a cold, bleak place in the long winter months. So when she spots a deer in the forest being pursued by a wolf, she cannot resist fighting it for the flesh. But to do so, she must kill the predator and killing something so precious comes at a price …

Dragged to a magical kingdom for the murder of a faerie, Feyre discovers that her captor, his face obscured by a jewelled mask, is hiding far more than his piercing green eyes would suggest. Feyre’s presence at the court is closely guarded, and as she begins to learn why, her feelings for him turn from hostility to passion and the faerie lands become an even more dangerous place. Feyre must fight to break an ancient curse, or she will lose him forever.

My Thoughts

I have two book titles for you.

Game of Thrones and The Hunger Games.

Add a hint of Breaking Dawn and a sprinkle of the Oscar line „ After all, tomorrow is another day.“ and you don´t have to read `A Court of Thorns and Roses`by the #1 NYT bestseller, Sarah J. Maas, anymore. a court of thorns and roses1

Now, brace yourselves. This is going to be a long review with minor to major spoilers. Shall you prefer not to be spoiled then I highly advise you to leave and come back after you read the story yourself.

For weeks I´ve had to look at the rather unflattering book cover of `A Court of Thorns and Roses` on Instagram. Every Insta-blogger insisted on getting on my last nerve with this book. With what reason? Because, D´uh…. it´s an awesome book ( so everyone said).

Someone needs to define the word `awesome` to me again because ( and I quote the brilliant comedian Dylan Moran )

`Mountains and rivers and the fact that I´m still breathing is awesome.`

This story? Not so much.

I´ve avoided this book for a very long time and succeeded in ignoring the Instagram features as well until one fine day….

I decided to go book shopping. Mind you- it´s one of my favorite pastime activities, even if I never walk out with a book, I still love to find out what´s new, etc.

I saw this.

ACOTAR1 blog
A “Must Read” recommendation from the bookstore employees.

This had me thinking.

I read at least one hundred online reviews, all outstanding and love gushing towards the story. I was nearly blinded by the million insta-feeds for this book….NOW I was seeing tiny, short book recommendations for the one book I´ve been avoiding for so long.

I must have looked like a lost, helpless fool because a sales woman walked right up to me and asked if I needed any help. I thought „ why not“ and asked her if the book was really as good as the recommendation stated.

15 minutes later I was exhausted and caved. I bought the book. An hour later I was at home and opened the book.

I, involuntarily, choked on my own gum.

A map…. of Westeros? Oh, for crying out loud. Really?

ACOTAR blog

Isn´t it funny how Prythian looks like Westeros. And Westeros looks like the UK.

But wait….this gets better. The UK lacks of something significant.

A wall. * faint * For anyone who has read or even heard of the great wall of Game of Thrones… it´s up north where there´s constant cold weather. The wall keeps the bad guys out.

The Wall 2
The Wall of Westeros

Now look at this and tell me the author wasn´t “inspired” by this idea.

The wall
The Wall of Prythian

Someone was not in a creative mood that day, huh?

Can you imagine how my mood shifted from suspicious to curious and then dropped to being annoyed? I hadn´t even started reading the dang book and already, I wanted to wrap it up in nice paper and gift it to my neighbor.

But I didn´t. Instead, I read the damn thing from start to finish.

And while I read I had quite a few discussions on the side with people who hadn´t read the book but who had read Game of Thrones and The Hunger Games. Screenshots were sent back and forth, comparing the names of the characters from both books, scenes from the books, etc.

For example:

A name from A Court of Thorns and Roses: Hyburn

A name from Game of Thrones: Qyburn

That and the map and the wall. I had a feeling the Wildlings from GoT were the humans from ACOTAR. Both parties bothered by what was beyond the wall until both realized there´s a mutual enemy who had to be dealt with. ( I JUST SPOILED THE PLOT)

If I thought my annoyance couldn´t get any worse, I was wrong.

But the story of ACOTAR shifted. My hopes for a unique story reappeared.

A poverty-stricken family, suffering for the next meal was introduced. Two sisters and their father, huddled in a beaten cottage waiting for the youngest family member, Feyre, to come home from hunting so they wouldn´t have to starve to death.

Not bad, right? I thought it was a nice change to read about a poor family struggling to survive.

What wasn´t so nice was- The characters. Although poor, Feyre´s family were spoiled little shits, whining after their long lost wealth and not accepting their future.

The beginning felt cold. It felt clinical. Emotionless.

Meeh. It was weird.

But things changed for the family after Feyre killed and skinned a wolf during her hunt. It was the one event that changed everyone´s lives forever.

Normally, in Game of Thrones, killing someone / something would result in being beheaded but in this one…. Feyre wasn´t executed for killing the wolf / Faerie ( yes, Faeries could shapeshift. Who would have thought, right? I didn´t know Faeries could bite like vampires, either, yet it happens in this one.). Instead, Feyre was given a choice. To go and live with the Faerie in the faerie land beyond the invisible wall or die on the spot.

Tough and easy choice if you ask me. Of course, Feyre walked into a new future. A future with food and probably share a nice fluffy bed with an elf Faerie, to pay for her crime. Without much of a fight Feyre left her hungry family behind and walked into a better future.

Fast forward- Feyre falls for the Faerie who took her and lives for months with him as his guest.

( Insert Disney´s Beauty and the Beast song, Be Our Guest )

She learned to love the lands she once so hated and was sent back due to highly confidential faerie business.

What a buzz kill, right? Fall in love after planning so many escapes and hiding knives and being 80% of the time bitchy… only to be told she needs to go back home. The hateful efforts all for nothing. * snorts *

But wait- before Feyre was sent on her way, the Faerie Lord, Tamlin ( the Hero ) took it upon himself to give her a few last minute shags before he patted her bottom and waved a white laced hanky after the carriage.

( Note: that wasn´t how it exactly happened. The truth- He screwed her for the first time after he announced she had to leave and then immediately sent her back home to the human world. How romantic. Lol) Still a buzz kill, and we´re only halfway through the story. There´s more to come.

Being back home wasn´t as great as Feyre had planned it would be. She loved the elf Faerie, High Fae, Lord of the Spring Court, Tamlin, and wanted to go back and help him face whatever threat was on it´s way to destroy her pretty Lord. Because it wasn´t enough to be the most powerful Fae in the lands of Fae. It wasn´t enough having the ability to turn into a wolfish beast with horns to slaughter the evil. It wasn´t enough to be more beautiful than Prince Charming himself. He was a lost cause when he was taken.

Now, this was the point where I got excited again. Feyre, the former huntress, was going to help her beloved Lord! Back at the faerie mansion she found it empty, shredded and ruined beyond words. Feyre was too late.

Fast forward again- After the old maid from the fluffy mansion gave the „stupid human“ the truth and directions to where Tamlin was being held as prisoner she sprinted off to a place hidden under a mountain where an evil woman ( who´s name WAS NOT TO BE OUTSPOKEN in the first half of the book) held all Fae lords and their folk captive.

This is where the Hunger Games come in. I swear to God…. when the hand was raised in tribute to the fallen I couldn´t help but laugh.

ACOTAR KATNIS

So, Game of Thrones, a spark of Harry P. Now Katniss Everdeen?

The big question is- Will Katniss Feyre be able to save the one she loves and free the people of Prythian? There´s a book #2 and a book #3. You can figure it out for yourselves.

I mentioned Bella Swan above, remember? Yeah, everything became so „clear“ towards the end. * snorts *

The bottom line- The book would have been so much more enjoyable had the author used her own imagination instead of picking the good bits from other successful stories. I know writers can´t really reinvent the wheel ( to always come up with new things to write about) but a little creativity wouldn´t have hurt. There were quite a few fine written scenes I hadn´t recognized from other books that I actually enjoyed. The rest was just eye roll worthy.

The characters were 2 dimensional. Flat. They had less feeling than I have when it´s time for my monthly strawberry week. There was potential, though. I saw all sorts of great things happening for each character when I started reading. They just never progressed. How am I supposed to feel anxious about certain characters when they´re all emotionless? It´s impossible.

And if I ever read another „ she clicked her tongue…“ I´m gonna file a complaint. One that´s longer and more alive and colorful than this review.

Speaking of writing- The writing was… okay. Not what I would expect from a fantasy story. With ease I read through 416 pages of head-scratch-worthy info. Took me 2 solid days and another few hours to process the clutter I read.

Still- I haven´t completely given up hope. Rumor has it that book #2 is so much better. So much sexier ( so they say. Although I didn´t see much sexy schmexy in this one, so… fingers crossed). So full of everything fabulous. I´d like to be the judge of that myself. I want to see if Feyre will time travel through the stones of Craigh na Dun and meet a hot Highlander named Damie. The possibilities are endless.

Despite my full rant I´m gonna go ahead and recommend this book. Why? Because I can see why so many people would love the story. If you haven´t read the books I´ve mentioned above then you might be able to enjoy the emotionless adventure ( if a reader doesn´t care for such important nonsense.)

I will say that if you ARE a fan of Game of Thrones or The Hunger games….stay away from this read.

I can see the appeal. But I don´t like it. It´s not for me. There are books out there that are more gripping with less obviously copied bits.

Would I reread this book? Probably not. I´ve got Game of Thrones and The Hunger Games on my shelves already.

The Cover – 2 stars ( It´s not my cup of tea. I find it dull.)

The Story – 2 stars ( If the author had added more of her own voice instead of others then it might have been a 4 star read. There was a hint of romance but the rest was full of Feyre´s hateful thoughts. )

The Characters – 2 stars ( Emotionless. 2D. Although each had alot to offer… nothing came through. A pity, really. But if I had to pick characters I enjoyed most it would be Tamlin and Lucien. I didn´t care much for Tamlin and Feyre as a couple. )

My emotional state after finishing this read- Confused. Worried I won´t get to see a fanfic in the other installment.

I´m giving `A Court of Thorns and Roses` ( A Court of Thorns and Roses #1) by Sarah J. Maas 2 out of 5 stars.

Book Review- Love, Rosie by Cecelia Ahern

Book Description

Sometimes you have to look at life in a whole new way…

From the bestselling author of PS, I Love You comes a delightfully enchanting novel about what happens when two people who are meant to be together just can’t seem to get it right.

Rosie and Alex are destined for one another, and everyone seems to know it but them. Best friends since childhood, their relationship gets closer by the day, until Alex gets the news that his family is leaving Dublin and moving to Boston. At 17, Rosie and Alex have just started to see each other in a more romantic light. Devastated, the two make plans for Rosie to apply to colleges in the U.S. 

She gets into Boston University, Alex gets into Harvard, and everything is falling into place, when on the eve of her departure, Rosie gets news that will change their lives forever: She’s pregnant by a boy she’d gone out with while on the rebound from Alex. 

Her dreams for college, Alex, and a glamorous career dashed, Rosie stays in Dublin to become a single mother, while Alex pursues a medical career and a new love in Boston. But destiny is a funny thing, and in this novel, structured as a series of clever e-mails, letters, notes, and a trail of missed opportunities, Alex and Rosie find out that fate isn’t done with them yet.

My Thoughts

Talk about missed opportunities! Sheesh. I´m sweating just buy thinking of this story.

I can easily say that this book is one of the most frustrating books I have ever read. And I loved it! What a cute read! It´s kind of a flappy romance with a serious vibe in between.

A wonderful story that had me from the get-go and I couldn´t think of any other chick-lit better than `Love, Rosie`by Cecelia Ahern.Love Rosie

The storyline is simple yet it´s packed with so many heavy emotions. I was able to see the characters faces and feel their inner turmoil.

And…. what I love most ( besides everything else, of course ) is the fact that this story isn´t too far-fetched from reality. I´ve seen couples / friends slip into the friendzone although they didn´t belong there. Reading about it in a book, though, is a complete differen´t matter. It´s more personal, more emotional. I was a peeping Tom, shocked, stunned, frustrated and so in love!

The characters were a joy. So much of a joy that I felt the need to hit them over the head with a frying pan sometimes.

Rosie made my `fav book chick` list. Awkward, sweet, quirky. Just overall a lovable character.

Alex, although it felt like his character drifted off the mark a little, was also great.

I believe it was a fabulous idea to let a reader accompany the two characters from a very young age up to their middle ages. That way a reader has the opportunity to see more, feel more, understand more of what´s going on. It´s a slow build up with colorful emotions, with the main emotions being frustration and angst. I´ll tell you why:

Yes. I, despite my endless love for the main characters I still felt beyond frustrated with them. I mean- they clearly had a massive communication problem going on and that left me, as a reader, wanting to play the middle-man and knock some sense into Alex and Rosie because the angst was, at times, alot to handle.

I kept thinking „ Okay, now´s the time…. Do it! NOW, damn it! What the hell are you waiting for? The weather isn´t going to get any better if you keep this shit up! DO SOMETHING! I´m not getting any younger and neither ARE YOU GUYS!“

I went through a few sessions of face palming, sighing, tossing the book aside, went through a bottle of wine and nail-biting ( which I normally don´t do). That´s how frustrating this book was for me. But that´s the purpose of a good book. To evoke all kinds of emotions from it´s readers.

And just as I was about to give up on everything… it happened! My special moment I was waiting ages for! The moment that sealed the deal for me.

I had a winner in my hands. A great, timeless romance I will forever cherish.

When I found out that the story was turned into a movie ( yes, I´m a hermit and hardly leave the house and hardly watch TV, don´t judge.Lol) I was out of it with joy and then had mixed feelings because it dawned on me that every single book – to – movie adaptions was just awful. So, I refused to watch the movie at first.

I have no will power, whatsoever.

I watched the movie. I was NOT disappointed. In fact- I was just as in love as I was when I first read the book! The casting was spot on ( besides Lily Collins. I don´t like her much ). All the feels from the book were felt while watching the movie. Brilliant!

Of course, the blogger side of me is dead-set on recommending the book, only. But in this case, I recommend reading the book AND watching the movie. Both are fully worth it. Why? Because it´s a lovestory. Who can resist a good romance? Who can resist watching Sam Claflin and his irresistable smile and listening to his sexy english accent?!

Would I reread this book? I already have. And I´ll do it over and over again.

Would I recommend this book? Definitely.

The Cover – 5 stars ( What´s there to bitch about? Nothing. It´s an eye catcher and definitely different from all the other books I have on my shelf.)

The Story – 5 stars ( The author certainly didn´t reinvent the wheel but the story was beautifully told. It´s a romance. A proper romance. )

The Characters – 4 stars ( Frustrating. Both of them. But 100% lovable. And relatable. )

My emotional state after finishing this read – My emotions were shot after I finished `Love, Rosie`.

I´m giving `Love, Rosie` by Cecelia Ahern 5 out of 5 stars

stars15

You can purchase this book in ebook, hardcover and paperback format on Amazon.com

Book Review- Midnight Caller by N.J. Cole

Book Description

Rebecca Summers enjoys pleasing herself with the curtains open. When a mysterious stranger calls to tell her that he is watching, fantasy becomes reality as she begins to perform for him. Following his instructions over the phone while he watches from afar, she finds herself craving more.

Oliver Durant has always been drawn to humans to exert the dominance and control his kind needs to feel alive. While secretly observing her and calling nightly, he can’t seem to get enough of Rebecca, whom he refers to as butterfly. His urges with her are stronger than the need to dominate, as he is driven to possess her in every way.

Both of their worlds are turned upside down when they finally meet and she agrees to enter into a Dominant/submissive relationship with her Midnight Caller

My Thoughts

Let´s keep this short and painless.

A slight waste of my time.

It´s really disappointing because I expected something completely different when I started reading `Midnight Caller` by author N.J. Cole. I expected a BDSM romance. A well written story that would knock me out of my panties. Well, I sure did get knocked out of my underwear- just not in a good way.

Some scenes were okay- even sexy as hell. But one tiny, little piece of info was NOT included in the book description and that killed the story for me. midnight caller

The moment I found out the Hero was an alien, I actually voiced a „ WTF?“ louder then I intended too. I don´t know about all the other readers who read Midnight Caller, but I wasn´t too extatic reading about an alien dominating. That was, in my opinion, far from sexy. If I wanted to read a sci-fi BDSM romance, I would have looked for one. But I didn´t, so why did I end up reading this book? Because someone forgot to mention the sci-fi part.

I see aliens as creatures who kidnap people at an unholy hour and experiment on them. OR….I just imagine Ridley Scott´s movie, Alien. Remember that scary piece of lump from outer space who used people as hosts or killed them, because…..that´s what aliens do? THAT`S how I see an alien. They don´t screw like Gods. So, no matter how hot the sexy scenes were…..I had such a hard time getting into the mindset I was supposed to go in. I cannot, for all that´s pink and fluffy, wrap my head around that one.

The characters, Rebecca and Oliver did´t do anything for me. Sure, I realized that what they had was supposed to be fantabulous and all, but I felt no connection to either of them, nor did I feel a connection between those characters. I blame it on the alien issue.

I can see why alot of readers loved this book. It WAS hot. It WAS unique. And it WAS out of this world. It was just too out-of-this-world for me. At the end….I didn´t like the whole thing.

If Oliver was a human this story would have been a tad better, but not much .

There is a second book available but I think I´ll pass.

Note to myself: For the future- double check if the book has aliens in it before buying.

Would I re-read this book? Uuhm, nope.

Would I recommend this book? I´m not sure. I´m leaning towards „no“.

 

The Cover- 2 stars ( The cover is too dark ((both old and new)). It´s not really eye- catchy either.)

The Story- 2 stars ( I can´t deal with aliens. That´s just too far away from anything I like.)

The Characters – 2 stars ( Where to start? Where to end? Totally 2 dimentional. Unlikable.)

My emotional state after finishing this read- Fed up.

I´m giving `Midnight Caller` by N.J. Cole 2 out of 5 stars.

stars17

You can purchase this book on Amazon.com by clicking here.

REVIEW- After Series (book #1-#5) by Anna Todd

Collective Review

After ( After #1 )
After We Collided ( After #2 )
After We Fell ( After #3 )
After Ever Happy ( After #4 )
Before ( After #5 )

 

It´s taken me years to come up with reasonable words that sum up my feelings towards the `After` series by Anna Todd. Because, the ugly truth is – I couldn´t come up with anything better than swear words to describe my emotions.

Now, before I begin with my actual review I´d like to mention that before I started this series I was oblivious to everything that was associated with this story. All I knew was that the story was originally published on the online writing platform, Wattpad.

That was it. I never heard of Anna Todd nor have I heard of the sensation this story was supposed to be. It was by accident that I found the „After“ series.

Later on ( after finishing the fourth book ) I was informed that `After` is a fan fiction romance and that Harry Styles, from the band 1 Direction, was the inspiration for the male protagonist.

I didn´t know who Harry Style was and I had absolutely no clue who 1 Direction ( or 1D) were. After a quick google check I wasn´t any smarter. I figured it didn´t matter. Nothing could have changed my opinion towards the story, or should I say – nothing could have made me think better or worse of what I forced myself to finish.

 

Staring with book #1, After… I have to admit that I liked it alot. I´m not a huge fan of college romances but I liked how the story started and how it ended.

A well protected wallflower falls for rude, mysterious bad boy. after

What´s unique about this story is that the main characters, Tessa and Hardin, are polar opposites who shouldn´t even be near each other. Two extreme youngsters who can´t seem to stay away from one another. The story has mean – as – shit college students, lots of pre-adult drama and a bet that could break whatever the hell these 2 characters have for each other. The key word is: could. There wouldn´t be more books if the bet had ripped the characters apart for good. There´s alot going on and there´s tension. An entertaining story with so much potential.

Like I said- I liked book #1. I just wish I could say the same for the rest of the books.

 

With `After We Collided`, book #2, Tessa and Hardins story continues. After a relationship hiccup the couple tries to sort themselves and have a steady relationship. Little do they know how hard it is to be together, especially when one is a complete harm to society.

I self diagnosed the Hero, Hardin, in this book. In book one I truly bought the bad boy act but since his behavior didn´t really improve I began to think he had more than just a few screws missing.After 2

A few things come to my mind when I think of Hardin: alcoholic, abusive, antisocial personality disorder and bastard. Because he is all those things covered by a pretty face of a college student. It´s plain to see that he has / had issues. In book #1 a reader gets to accompany the main characters and live the ups and downs, back and forth with them. In book #2…. nothing changes. Tessa and Hardin are two „kids“ stuck in an awkward nightmare relationship where both have no bloody clue as to how things work. A reader does get to meet the sub characters a little more, which is good. But the rest? Screw ups after screw ups, heartbreak and tears…. it was time to see some happiness happen for these characters. 671 pages full of „Why the hell isn´t she leaving him??“

My final thoughts on `After We Collided`: After reading such an intense story with such intense characters in book #1 I hoped there would be some character development in book #2. There was none. But… there was more emotional abuse. So much that I felt the need to open a bottle of wine afterwards just so I could digest the catastrophe I read.

`After We Fell`, book #3. An 834 page long book. The book is just as thick as the bricks we used to build our house with. 834 pages of repetitive emotional abuse. After 3 Tessa and Hardin continue their abusive / back and forth relationship. But this time it´s painful for a reader to witness the mind fucking going on between the main characters and how they pulled other family members into their world of fuck ups. Family and friends of Tessa and Hardin also suffer under the hands of Hardin. He´s a ticking time bomb. He has anger issues. He´s afraid of losing the one thing he can emotionally torture. Hardin claims he loves Tessa but still breaks a piece of her every time he fucks up.

I couldn´t believe I sat through another book that had NO character development, what-so-ever. I got the picture: Hardin wasn´t healthy in any way, on any level. Hardin´s behavior took it´s toll on Tessa and I was so waiting for her to wake up and smell the roses. She needed to get rid of him. Actually, that needed to happen during book #1. After I finished book #3 I opened another bottle of wine.

The new relationship status from Hardin and Tessa: An apocalyptic catastrophe.

`After Ever Happy`, book #4, was the book that finally cracked my calm. I was fuming. I shook my head through 512 pages because there was nothing else I was able to do. Tessa and Hardin- they had ANOTHER life/relationship challenge. Another one. Or, let´s say… they had a few more and those challenges were such a waste of my time because 80% of those challenges were recaps of the ones from the previous books. After 4

My hopes for a character development were shot to the moon after book #3 but I still had a tiny bit of hope that there would be some sort of a happy ever after ( because the title does hint it ). A reader does get a sloppy version of a happy ever after. You get approximately 450 pages of emotional disaster with the main characters and then it´s fast forward from then on.

BAM –  you see the characters do this.

BAM – you see the characters do that.

BAM – BAM – BAM – BAM – BAM.

There´s no time for a reader to process all the info shoved in our faces.

The pace of the ending can be compared to the recent season 7 of Game of Thrones. We got 6 seasons of drawn out info and a super speedy season 7.

(NOTE: I love Game of Thrones and would normally never compare the genius of a story to the After series, except when referring to the pace. I´m probably going to go to hell for even mentioning GoT in this review. )

Anyways- the finale ending of the After series… A full-blown disappointment. So disappointed that I returned book #4. I don´t want to have a book like that on my kindle.

My overall feelings towards this series: A big fat NOPE.

It´s unnecessarily complicated, the Hero is abusive, the relationship Hardin and Tessa have is over the top unhealthy. What they have is a twisted sense of reality. There´s nothing remotely romantic about 2 young adults acting the way they did. The story was a train wreck I should have looked away from.

 

But wait… there´s one more. Yupp. I kid you not. There´s a 5th book in the series.

`Before` ( After #5 ) and it´s the story of Hardin´s life before he permanently ruined Tessa´s life.After 5

I didn´t even try to read it. Why would I? A reader can make their own picture of Hardin´s past and readers definitely find out the true reason behind his abusive behavior in book 3 & 4. I´m really not interested in further details. My guess is that the author wrote this book for her dedicated fans, which is fine. Only I´m not interested in spending another dime on this story and I´m not interested in spending more hours on reading about a glorified prick.

 

So, there we have it. Not everything with the words `sensation`printed on it is actually a sensation. The only thing sensational about the After series is that so many people loved it.

 

Would I reread this series? Nope. Not now. Not ever again.

Would I recommend this series? No.

The Covers – 4 stars ( The covers have nothing to do with the story. They´re all actually pretty to look at )

The Story – 1 star ( No. Either I´m too old to appreciate the kind of twisted romance After is or I´m a different kind of romance reader. Either way- No. )

The Characters – 1 star ( The world doesn´t have enough wine to help me get over these kids)

My emotional state after finishing this read – I feel like I need to upgrade from wine to vodka.

 

I´m giving the whole `After`series by Anna Todd 1 out of 5 stars. 

Review- Every Last Word by Tamara Ireland Stone

Book Description

Samantha McAllister looks just like the rest of the popular girls in her junior class. But hidden beneath the straightened hair and expertly applied makeup is a secret that her friends would never understand: Sam has Purely-Obsessional OCD and is consumed by a stream of dark thoughts and worries that she can’t turn off. 

Second-guessing every move, thought, and word makes daily life a struggle, and it doesn’t help that her lifelong friends will turn toxic at the first sign of a wrong outfit, wrong lunch, or wrong crush. Yet Sam knows she’d be truly crazy to leave the protection of the most popular girls in school. So when Sam meets Caroline, she has to keep her new friend with a refreshing sense of humor and no style a secret, right up there with Sam’s weekly visits to her psychiatrist.

Caroline introduces Sam to Poet’s Corner, a hidden room and a tight-knit group of misfits who have been ignored by the school at large. Sam is drawn to them immediately, especially a guitar-playing guy with a talent for verse, and starts to discover a whole new side of herself. Slowly, she begins to feel more “normal” than she ever has as part of the popular crowd . . . until she finds a new reason to question her sanity and all she holds dear. 

My Thoughts

I have so much love for this book, it´s not even normal.

A young adult novel about a girl dealing with OCD. This was a book I needed to read.

`Every Last Word` by Tamara Ireland Stone. Every Last Word

Now, before I begin with my thoughts I´d like to get something off of my chest: I do NOT suffer from OCD nor any other mental illness. My thoughts below may make me seem as an uneducated person on the „mental illness“ topic and that´s fine. I´m not an expert in that field. And I don´t have to be to enjoy the story.

“If you could read my mind, you wouldn’t be smiling.”

I wasn´t smiling. How could I when I was reading about a girl who was basically perfect on the outside, living the perfect life, who had perfect ( bitches from hell, actually) friends but was a wreck from the inside. That, alone, is horrific, in my opinion.

Samantha ( female protagonist ) was one of the best written characters I have ever come across. I loved how twisted her mind worked, how much she struggled with her life and her surroundings. Not that I´m happy when people suffer ( Seriously, I´m not. I usually suffer with them in some other form ). What I´m trying to say, without sounding like an idiot, is how fascinated I was about how real Samantha and her problems felt.

I, myself, don´t struggle with any kind of mental illness so I have no clue if the author did her homework well on the topic or not. What I do know is how terrifying Samantha´s OCDs were and that I wish for no one to suffer as bad as this fictional character did.

With that being said- Samantha is introduced to the world of poetry and finds her place amongst a young group of social outcasts and her focus slowly shifts, especially with AJ.

And this is the great thing about this story- It´s not your every day-lovey dovey – full on heartbreak young adult romance. There is romance, but the story is more about Sam and the world Sam lives in and the changes she makes and goes through as a person who suffers from a mental illness.

Yes, the story was a tad predictable. I saw the endgame pretty quick but that didn´t stop me from reading further. I was interested in Samantha´s development because she was such an intense character.

A beautiful story that sends out a very important message. A great story that has left it´s mark on my heart.

Would I reread this book? Yes, I definitely would.

Would I recommend this book? Without a doubt, I would.

The Cover – 5 stars ( The cover was what caught my attention. Simple. Perfect. Even the title doesn´t give away anything, which I love.)

The Story – 5 stars ( Very entertaining. Very interesting. Totally fascinating. I was in love. )

The Characters – 5 stars ( From the Mean Girls club to the Poet´s Corner gang, Sam and AJ… all outstanding characters. Not all lovable but all very strong and well-developed. Exactly how I like it)

My emotional state after finishing this read – Just super satisfied.

I´m giving `Every Last Word` by Tamara Ireland Stone 5 out of 5 stars

Amazon.com

Amazon.de

Amazon.co.uk

Review: Her Twisted Pleasures ( The Twisted Mosaic #1) by Amelia James

Book Description

His hand came off my neck, and he wrapped his arms around me, crushing me against him. I grabbed his hair and forced his mouth to mine, feeding the darkness possessing us…. Submission, yes! Not giving up control but having it taken from me. This… this was why I needed Alex. Will was too nice; he would never abuse me like this. But Alex…mmm…Alex had no such qualms. “What have you done to me?”

Talia indulges her sexual pleasures, turning her life into a twisted mess. Sleeping with Alex is dangerous and reckless. She craves that excitement. Loving Will is comforting and safe. She needs that stability. Why can’t she get everything she wants from one man? 

Will has everything under control. Watching his girlfriend flirt with his best friend fuels his lust for her. He loves Talia; he trusts Alex. It’s all good as long as he makes the rules. 

Alex doesn’t give a damn about rules. He knows how to play with fire without getting burned. It’s just sex with Talia. No emotions means no attachments. That’s one rule he won’t break.

Sometimes dirty little secrets are more dirty than secret…

My Thoughts

The book description was tempting and when I started reading `Her Twisted Pleasures` ( The Twisted Mosaic #1 ) by Amelia James, I thought I was reading the wrong book. Sex here….sex there….sex EVERYWHERE! * dramatically falling backwards on sofa * A little less sex and a lot more story would have done this book wonders.

 

I think it´s safe to say that this book wasn´t for me. Like- at all.

Don´t get me wrong- I really appreciate sex scenes in romance novels. Only the sex in this book was too much for me. I needed more depth, more story, more everything in order to not view this read as a porn. I knew damn well what I was getting myself into. I knew there would be sex. I knew about the BDSM, the dom / sub that was in this book. But I didn´t know there was no actually story behind the sex.

It seemed like the balance between dialogue, narrative and action in this book was completely out of proportion, making it difficult to pick out the actual story.

`Her Twisted Pleasures` was supposed to be a love triangle. I didn´t notice one. For me it looked like nothing of the sort happened. It was just sex between 3 people who knew each other.

I was confused, 2 from the 3 main characters were emotionally confused… Everything was just an uncontrolled mess that never should have happened.

And then, after countless screwings without a wink of emotions, the moment of truth happened. All three characters were gathered in the same room! Sadly, that one scene where something monumental should have happened didn´t do much for me either because.. nothing happened.

This book ends on a cliffhanger. One I didn´t care much for because I was not interested in dealing with more sex.

Let´s just put it this way- I didn´t like this one. It was complicated, confusing, twisted and even dull.

I expected more, especially after reading the tons of supportive reviews left on Goodreads and Amazon.com.

Would I reread this book?  Nope.

Would I recommend this book? Not really. Anyone looking for a book with depth and purpose will not find what they´re looking for in this book. If anyone is looking for sex from start to finish then this might be a book for them.

The Cover – 3 stars ( It´s okay. I´m not going crazy over it nor do I hate it.)

The Characters – 1 star ( A generous star, mind you. All 3 main characters were not to my liking, especially the Heroine. )

The Story – 1 stars ( Nope. As much as I enjoy reading about sex, it was too much for my taste. The sex overshadowed everything else.)

My emotional state after finishing this read– Disappointed, to say the least.

I´m giving `Her Twisted Pleasures` ( The Twisted Mosaic #1 ) by Amelia James 1 out of 5 stars.

Review: Breaking Gravity ( Fall Back Series #2) by Autumn Grey

Book Description

I’ve always followed my dreams with ruthless determination.
My life was going well. Success was at my fingertips.
Until it wasn’t.
All it took was three seconds to send my world crashing down around me, 
ripping my dreams to shreds.
Then I meet her, with her large hazel eyes that slay me at first glance.
And everything starts to make sense again.
I try to keep my distance.
To remind myself I am her mentor.
That we can’t be more, 
but every time I push away, I’m pulled deeper into her.
The line between student and teacher is blurring. 
One kiss. 
One taste. 
They’re all it would take to cross the line.

My Thoughts

This student / teacher romance definitely earned a place on my sacred bookshelf.

`Breaking Gravity` ( Fall Back Series #2 ) started out in a devastating light and ended with a beautiful warmth.Breaking Gravity

Nathaniel Rowe´s life will never be the same. Once a well-known professional cellist, now a damaged and crippled has-been who suffers from chronic pain and medication abuse. It took one unfortunate event to change his life and make Nathaniel a walking mess. With his career over and the love of his life gone there´s hardly anything left to live for. Until…

Nathaniel takes up a job as a temporary music professor at Rushmore college and becomes fascinated with a red-haired beauty, Elon… who also happens to be one of his students.

Now, I´m not a huge fan of student/teacher romances because they somehow always end the same way. A story about a forbidden by law love is bound to end in a catastrophe. It´s kind of like watching a train wreck happening in slow motion. You know it´s gonna be ugly. You know the outcome.. Everything starts out as a one time thing. A secret. Then the secret turns into an affair. Soon, a best friend finds out and then others become suspicious. The secretive couple gets exposed. One loses a job. The other gets kicked out of school, yada yada yada.

For some reason, `Breaking Gravity` wasn´t entirely like that. So, the student / teacher story wasn´t new…. but the flair the story gave off was refreshing. Both main characters have dealt with unimaginable pain in their pasts and yet both weren´t completely unwilling to move forward, despite knowing about the consequences of their actions. They had something to look forward to: seeing each other.

I was rooting for the main characters. It took me a lot of will power not to get out the pompoms and cheer for Nate and Elon. I actually wanted the characters to get exposed as quick as possible because they fit so beautifully together.

What I loved most about the story was the fact that the author approached different real life issues, such as: death, abuse and addiction. The author´s ability to let her characters suffer from these issues was wild. It made her characters feel more authentic / realist and relatable. And it made them 100% lovable.

Do Nate and Elon live happily ever after? Or will life force them apart?

Read it and find out for yourself. I can say, without a doubt, that this is my favorite student / teacher romance.

`Breaking Gravity` is a warming, beautiful, swoon worthy, hot and full of hope romance that´ll stick to a reader like glue for weeks after reading.

Would I recommend this book? Yes!

Would I reread this book? I already have…* smile *

The Cover – 5 stars ( I have been gushing over this cover weeks before I even bought the book. Such a beautiful and unique image. There was no way I was not going to have this book.)

The Story – 4 stars ( Student / Teacher romances don´t usually float my boat but this story did.)

The Characters – 5 stars ( Nate was the perfect Hero. Ruined, moody, passionate, hot. Every woman needs a Nate in their lives. Elon was an equally perfect character. Loving, clever, guarded, witty. What more can I ask for? Nothing.)

My emotional state after finishing this read? Totally, utterly, 100% happy and satisfied.

I´m giving `Breaking Gravity` by author Autumn Grey 4 out of 5 stars.

Instagram Book Box Feature

°•○BOOK BOX FEATURE○•° This came in the mail today and I couldn't wait to share this beauty with you guys. 'Breaking Gravity' by the wonderful @autumngreyauthor. This is one of those covers you can admire all night long *dreamy sigh* So mesmerising. If you don't hear or see anything from me then I'm either swooning or reading. Have a fab day and don't forget to share the 📚🖤 . . . . . #bookpic #bookaholic #addictedtoreading #addictedtobooks #bookaddict #booknerd #bookwhore #bookjunkie #bookninja #libraryofinstagram #igreads #igbooks #bookstagram #instaread #iaminlove #booklove #books #paperback #bookphotography #pages #author #outdoor #booksbooksbooks #bibliophile #beautifulcovers #coverpic #prettybooks #📚 #germany #bücherwurm

A post shared by Morgana's Book Box (@morganasbookbox) on

This book can be purchased at Amazon.com

Book Review- The Unrequited by Saffron A. Kent

Book Description

Layla Robinson is not crazy. She is suffering from unrequited love. But it’s time to move on. No more stalking, no more obsessive calling. 

What she needs is a distraction. The blue-eyed guy she keeps seeing around campus could be a great one—only he is the new poetry professor—the married poetry professor.

Thomas Abrams is a stereotypical artist—rude, arrogant, and broody—but his glares and taunts don’t scare Layla. She might be bad at poetry, but she is good at reading between the lines. Beneath his prickly façade, Thomas is lonely, and Layla wants to know why. Obsessively.

Sometimes you do get what you want. Sometimes you end up in the storage room of a bar with your professor and you kiss him. Sometimes he kisses you back like the world is ending and he will never get to kiss you again. He kisses you until you forget the years of unrequited love; you forget all the rules, and you dare to reach for something that is not yours.

My Thoughts

I had high hopes for `The Unrequited` by Saffron A. Kent. After one look at that cover I had a feeling the book was going to be an epic read.The Unrequitted

Let´s just say this story didn´t do it for me as much as I hoped it would.

`The Unrequited`- A student / teacher, stalker / teacher story that seemed more questionable than anything else. Did I like it? Not so much.

The opening scene starts off with Layla visiting her therapist / guidance counselor, which is a super interesting scene and a fabulous character introduction. A reader gets a colorful POV from Layla, a lonely and special individual who mourns the loss of her stepbrother / best friend / love of her life and can´t seem to function without him. Layla has an unhealthy obsession for Caleb and without him…her life spirals out of control. The weird thing is- ( BEWARE! SPOILER AHEAD ) he´s not dead. He just moved away.

Not too shabby, right?

Layla, one day, stumbles upon a mysterious, hot guy ( a.k.a The Blue Eyed Smoker ) and follows him across campus and into his class. Yupp. He´s a professor and teaches poetry. Something Layla has no effin´ clue about, yet she finds herself a seat and makes herself comfy.

Okay. So, this is where the story went slightly downhill for me and I fully blame it on both main characters.

As mentioned above – Layla is this lost soul who doesn´t really know what to do with herself because of the one guy she can´t have. Her life looks peachy on the outside but from the inside- she´s an emotional mess. It´s like a thick rain cloud constantly follows her. And, her favorite pastime activity is stalking.

Thomas, the professor, the blue-eyed smoker, the successful published poet- just as depressing only he acts like a glorified dick. BUT, he has his reasons. There´s an explanation for everything. * sigh *

The two together couldn´t have been more different and still, they found a way to be together.

I´m going to be frank, here.

Layla was nuts. Thomas was nuts. The way he treated her was unbelievable and Layla let everything happen to her. Without a word she played the doormat for the professor and it wasn´t pretty reading about it. That doesn´t really put them both in a nice light, if you ask me. But there was a reason for the way he treated Layla. And there was a reason for why Layla let Thomas act the way he did.

But after I was a little over halfway through the story, I didn´t really care if there was a specific reason for their actions anymore. Who in their right mind would treat another person as poorly as the Hero did? For me, he wasn´t worth it. I would have left his class and flipped him off on the way out. Thomas´ mood went up and down, in and out. He wasn´t good with speaking words but boy, did he know how to put someone in their place. I was super close to DNFing the story.

I set the book aside and took a break for a few days. I didn´t want to completely give up but I needed some time away from the crazy. After a few days I reentered Layla and Thomas´ world with a more open mind and finished the story.

I think the main reason why this book didn´t do it for me was me. I´m someone who loves to relate to characters. I love to imagine myself in their position. But with these figures I couldn´t do it. Their actions weren´t anything shocking, to be honest, but I don´t stalk, nor can I imagine myself doing so. I don´t let anyone talk to me in a degrading way and have sex with them afterwards, so their actions weren´t really something to be excited about.

Aside from my dislikes, there were a few things that, indeed, brought me joy.

The writing was impeccable. There was a great reading flow and a perfect balance between action, narrative and dialogue.

The end was really good. I liked how things turned out for the characters, despite me not fully liking them.

Would I recommend this book? Yes and no. I´m not sure to whom I´d recommend this book to. It does come with a warning that this story is for ages 18+ and also deals with sensitive topics, e.g. cheating.

Would I reread this book? Probably not.

The Cover – 5 stars ( It´s a beautiful cover image with eye-catching colors.)

The Characters – 2 stars ( They weren´t for me. )

The Story – 3 stars ( In general, not a bad idea. Just not my cup of tea. )

My emotional state after finishing this read – Indifferent.

I´m giving `The Unrequited` by author Saffron A. Kent 3 out of 5 stars

Purchase the book here.

Ridiculous Book Sex

Alas, a subject I have been dying to write about. A topic that needs further discussion.

Sex in books.

Romance readers want to have a good time while reading. They want the heartache, the sappy moments, etc. If a romance has the whole package, including good sex scenes, then it´s a total win for us readers.

Reality has taught us that sex can be loads of fun ( If done right, of course. ) and reading about it in a book that has a drop-dead-gorgeous male protagonist in it makes the head theater much more fun.

When I´m reading an erotic romance I´m literally waiting for a good sex scene with great sex. You know- the mind-blowing kind. The kind of sex in books that take a reader to a complete new level of horniness. I´m not talking about reading a porn….I´m referring to a romance / erotica novel that has sex in it. ( okay….maybe erotica novels come pretty close to porn, or not. What do I know?!)

In my opinion – reading about sex cannot be compared to pornography because… Well, characters in books have background stories and go through emotional highs and lows. Porn doesn´t. Although, my husband disagrees with me on that one. Just the other day he tried to convince me that porn movies have an actual plot. * Hangs head * Romance novels keep it real to a certain extent.

ANYWAYS…. Back to book sex:
I bow before any author who writes about sex. Period. I cannot imagine how hard it is to write about 2 people screwing and gushing their feelings for each other. Some authors have so much talent in that department. I often ask myself if those scenes came from personal experience or if it´s just a thought up scene. Imagined. Either way…..I love extremely well written, fully described, sensual, intimate sex scenes in novels. Nothing makes me more happy to know someone put a lot of thought into a scene like that. It´s actually pretty cool if you think about it.

But then there are authors who just write about sex. You know…..the questionable kind. The kind that puts huge question marks on my panties instead of making them change their color.

Now- this is a subject we all can discuss to no end because everyone has a different opinion on what good sex is. Which is fine by me. We all have different tastes, right? I´m not judging anyone if they like to read about any type of bed sports. To each is their own. But in some cases ( no matter what kind of sex I´m talking about) the sex is too much to take in. It´s also almost tacky. Tasteless. 

Authors often over-do it with their sex scenes. I´m not talking about all authors. I´m only referring to 75% of self published writers who include sex in their romances.

I consider myself still young, with being 35. I´m practically living in the best years of my life. But not even I find it sexy to read about characters who screw at every given opportunity. I can´t, by all that´s holy, visualize a sex marathon that goes on and on and on without feeling some sort of mental exhaustion after a while.

You have to keep in mind that I´m 35, not 20. I have a hard time keeping up with fictional characters these days because all they want to do is have sex. Even if I wanted to, I couldn´t have as much sex as book characters have. It´s as if these fictional characters are trying to compete with rabbits.

I know that the stories I read ( especially in the romance/erotica world) aren´t meant to be realistic. Still…..cut me some slack here- At some point, a Heroine has to start walking like John Wayne after she´s been well screwed / shagged / fucked by the sex-God from down the road. I´d definitely need a weeks worth of bed rest if were a female protagonist from any sex loaded novel.

I live in Europe…which means people over here are confronted with sex on a daily basis in a healthy way. Sex is apart of life. No need to shut up about it.   Either people like it kinky, or they don´t. No one is utterly fazed or shocked over here. So, before anyone gives me the ” Prude” stamp- keep in mind that I´m as open-minded as anyone can be. You cannot shock me with sexual acts or dirty talk, or what-not. I just do not appreciate bad / too much sex in a book. That just distracts from the actual plot. Or a terrible dialogue, for that matter.

An author can make their characters as kinky as they want them to be…I still don´t think anyone or anything should have sex 20 times a day, as some authors LOVE to make their characters do. That just…..hurts to think about.

 

And, please, * slamming hands on table, leaning forward, giving the stern look*, what is it with the Dialogue during sex scenes? Has anyone noticed how the majority of romance / erotica heros do the ultimate „ You´re so wet for me“ line?

Or, wait! I got a better one!

“Come for me, baby“  *shaking head* Am I the only one who noticed those two sentences in almost EVERY romance / erotica novel lately?

It´s not the sentences alone that are terrible. It´s the fact that those sentences come up in every damn sex scene. Let´s say characters X and Y are having sex for the first time. And all of a sudden X says: „ Oh, you´re so wet for me.“ Okay. It´s a line that isn´t original, but it´s still okay. If an author believes those words must be included, fine.

When X and Y have sex the second and third time ( in the same night, day, week ), X says the same words to Y. Uuhm… * scratching head * Does Y need a bucket because she´s so wet? Should X fetch the Tupperware just in case?

Obviously, X can´t get over the fact that Y gets wet! Y get´s utterly wet as soon as X touches her! Y is leaking.

And when X commands Y to orgasm ( or better…to come – to cum ) Y magically orgasms. Every single time! Some ladies might find that ” to orgasm ” on command is a hard task to do. But who am I kidding * wave off * I´m thinking way to realistic. What do I know, right?

Let´s rehash-

X is fascinated by the fact that Y gets so wet for him all the time that he needs to announce it.

Y can orgasm on command effortlessly because X is DA SHIT!

Let´s do a real life version of a novel sex scene ( of course, a woman has a few options on how to respond to the magic words)-

Guy: „ oh, Baby….you´re so wet for me.“

Woman: ( option nr. 1 ) „ U-huh.“

Woman: ( option nr .2 ) „ Really? How bad is it down there?“

Woman: ( option nr. 3 ) „ Yeah, I´m so wet for you.“

Or the woman might not give any answer and enjoy what´s bound to happen.

Guy: „ You want to come? Then come, NOW!“

Woman: „ Hold on…I´m almost there…“

Guy: „ No. I want you to come, NOW“

Woman: „ I can´t now. Just keep doing what you´re doing…almost there…“

Guy: ” NOW! Damn it ! N.O.W! Why can´t you orgasm on command?!“

Woman: „ Because I´m NOT  Y from those non-unique sex scenes!!!!“

Do you see my point? A dialogue like that can make whatever feelings I developed disappear into thin air. Poof! Just like that. Gone.

It´s also just as cringe-worthy when the words „moist“ and „cream pie“ are over used. There must be a way to replace those words with something more… fitting? Moist are my kitchen towels after I dry the dishes. And cream pie…. it´s a pie or cake, for heaven’s sake.

And now- while we´re at it… Let us comb through the phrases used in sex scenes. Let´s call it the sex lingo.

Ready?

  • …she tasted like honey…..“ ( I guarantee you, no one tastes like honey down south. Male and female do NOT taste like honey. It´s just a fact. If it were true then you´d be seeing a lot more people going down and having a 3 course meal with „honey“)
  • .. until I finally found her secret center…“ ( A vagina isn´t Narnja. It´s not the rabbit hole that leads to Wonderland. It´s not Barbie´s secret garden, either)
  • …his maleness, passing the petal soft folds of her womanhood…“ ( No vagina lips can be compared to petals. Touch a rose petal then touch vagina lips. It ain´t possible. But touch a turkey´s overlapping skin on his neck and then try touching a vagina. And vagina lips don´t fold. They´re bunched in your underwear. )
  • … I was drowning in her juices…“ ( How many characters are leaking? )
  • …I was blinded as I soared over the edge…“ ( I never went blind before/during/after an orgasm. Maybe I´m doing something wrong? And I never soared anywhere except for the one time when I woke up in the middle of the night and wanted to turn on the bedroom light but missed the wall and switch and went „soaring“ towards the floor. That shit hurt.)

Why compare food and drinks to body fluids? Why not stick to the truth instead of misleading the innocent and giving them weird ideas? Am I thinking too realistic here?

Sometimes people don´t smell like Christmas spices when they pull down their underwear. I can already hear you say „ Eeeeew“ after reading that but it´s true. Any person who´s sexually active KNOWS the dark secrets of sex. And no author has interest in coloring out the harsh reality of event.

Most writers would rather have you believe it´s fabulous to give your partner a blowjob after being on the road for 12 hours with 3 bathroom breaks in between ( without the possibility to wash up..like, at all). There are no rose scents involved there, trust me. Yet, authors will have you believing that the sexual drive between their characters is greater than anything else. They let their characters focus on their lust and ignore the wet fox smell.

As you can probably tell by now, I´ve read some crazy stuff over the last few years and I have a strong feeling that nothing is going to change.

Can we just try to call „his sword“ a penis? Use cock, for all I care….but sword? And how about vagina instead of „where she was moist and desperate“? It´s a vagina. It´s a penis. Either you have one or the other. And maybe it´s a good time to mention that sex is fantastic but sex doesn´t always sell. 

I´m just afraid if young women ( who haven´t had sex yet) read those scenes….they´ll think it´s supposed to be like that in real life. * head against table*

Authors should try to come up with better lines. These people aren´t called artists for no reason. Authors have so many ideas and words to work with…. it should be a piece of cake to come up with something better than „You´re so wet for me.“. It´s really not funny anymore to read the same lines in 80% of all books I read.

This is not meant to discourage writers to include sex in their stories. This is meant to help spark their passion for finding better, more authentic words for their scenes.